Monday, June 28, 2010


I'm not sure that I know how to write what I am thinking about and feeling anymore. Whenever I sit down to write about anything that is not sharing about the farm or some neat thing that I have seen, which is most of the time, I mostly end up doing a whole lot of backspacing and rarely end up saving any material at all. Like I said, this isn't because I am not thinking or wanting to say things...FAR from it. It's because I just don't know what to say.

Everywhere I turn I see fake order or outright chaos.

Our leaders talk about democracy while protecting the very oligarchical interests which rise up again and again to enslave us. We thought inventing a middle class would solve the problem, allowing the lower class to work their way into the middle class and maaaaybe all the way to the upper class. But all we did was solidify a class structure that must continue to fight itself because it is inherently out of balance.

I feel pity for many of my fellow Canadians who have let themselves buy into this system in order to try to avoid being part of the abhorrent lower class. It is hard to turn the fury I feel, into pity. Fury at how much acceptance there is for the truly Fascist actions of police in Toronto at the G20 conference over the weekend. Fury at the betrayal of our leaders and the weakness in my fellow citizens, who do not recognize the cages slowly but surely being erected around us. Fury that in so many ways, our selfishness and closed mindedness makes us deserve those cages. But does fury get us anywhere? Will pity or forgiveness really get us further?

I guess it should be no surprise that I think both fury and pity must be used, in balance. I see little point in just laying down and giving up what I believe is so life and my soul.

So I guess I am able to maintain focus on one line of thinking for a short period of time, but then something else pops up, like the outright chaos that is the havoc caused by our addiction to oil. This is highlighted lately by the mess in the Gulf of Mexico but addiction to oil has wreaked havoc all over the world, all the while remaining fundamentally necessary to maintaining the explosion in numbers of humans over the past 200 years. While I feel for the plight of those around the Gulf of Mexico, it is maddening to see the rage over this disaster, while there remains a near total ignorance of 50 years worth of similar environmental destruction in Nigeria where broken pipelines have been allowed to run for months without repair at times. How many Americans are aware of the damage and suffering that has been caused in and to this region, in order to supply 25% of US oil imports?

And how many Canadians are more than willing to accept similar destruction now, in our own country? The tarsands exploitation is spreading rapidly into Saskatchewan, where the economic benefits are readily accepted just as they were and are here in Alberta. Yet we all know that this is basically open pit mining on a scale larger than anything seen before now and the result is mile after mile of ponds full of toxic tailings and at least near total water depletion or contamination. We hem and we haw and we say the government should deal with it all the while we continue most all of the practices which REQUIRE the continuation of that exploitation. And this is so for most any issue.

It would be funny if it wasn't all so fucking frustrating...and so very dangerous.

So I guess I do still have some things to say but you can see why I don't get a lot of posts out these days. This bit of rambling took over an hour to get out.


Teresa said...

It might be easier to write about what you do to fight these problems rather than recording the negative feelings. How have you changed your practices to help lessen the dependence on oil? The same topic with a different frame of reference will have a much larger impact than just another complaint. Inspire instead. Challenge your readers to match the changes you are making in your life. That is the hallmark of a grass roots movement to produce huge changes.

Jerry said...

That's just it, I think. I cannot help but feel that its a done deal, that the only thing I can do is survive. I do write about what I am trying to do to achieve that but it still feels like trying to hold back a mudslide with a small pile of sticks. I do try to write about maintaining personal balance through it, but I am not sure I'm doing such a great job of that lately, hence not writing a lot about it. Thanks for the inspiration to keep working at it though.

linda said...

I'm somewhat in the same boat and while I try to stay positive by doing the right things, I feel that its also very important to expose what is happening. I write by blog as a reference point. What went wrong? When? Who was involved?How does this affect me personally? How about my society at large? Are these thing related? I feel very much that you do the same whether you are doing it purposely or not.

Its okay to feel fury! Anger is necessary emotion sometimes. But its not good to feel it all the time without resolving it on a personal level. I don't see it as negative though because it can be a catalyst to more positive action.

Jerry said...

Thanks for commenting Linda. I appreciate reading your reference points a great deal.

grandeprairiecleangreen said...

i feel exactly the same way. kind of given up a bit, for now. just surviving, doing what i can do, living in my very own bubble and not bothering others about my phlight. it gets tiring being on a mission all the time.
hang in there jerry.

MoonRaven said...

I'm going to echo grandprariecleangreen: Hang in there, Jerry!

I think that you are so on target about how the news and most people pay no attention to the ecodisasters we are causing in countries like Nigeria--because, what do they count? This hubris is unbelievable. But the news also downplays everything but the absolute worse disasters. How many people know that as the Gulf spill was ramping up, there was a major leakage in the Chevron pipeline in Utah, wiping out an entire creek ecosystem. It almost got into the Great Salt Lake, but Chevron was able to stop it before it became really 'newsworthy'.

The problem is that we are dependent on our corporate masters, such as oil, and the only way to change that would be to change our whole lifestyle--something not easy for even those of us committed to doing so, let alone the 'general public'.

All this is to say I share your frustration, Jerry. Thank you for sharing this with us.