Friday, August 01, 2008

My own backyard

I do a lot of complaining, I realize that. I'm sure many people get sick of hearing me complain about this or complain about that, tho in my own defense, it is rarely just for the sake of complaint itself. There's just a whole lot of things, small scale to large, that I think need significant improvement.

The first is me.

Like any human being, I am chalk full of imperfections...some of them quite significant. I generally try to point out, when I'm complaining about something, that I realize I am far from perfect. I thought I'd just take a moment on this blog, though, to point the finger specifically inward.

The first foible that I must share, is one of the biggest possible. I am a smoker of cigarettes. Sometimes lightly, sometimes quite heavily. This is the thing I am least proud of about myself. Why I remain a smoker is probably a sum of a few of my other foibles. It is a nasty circle too, because working on those other foibles tends to cause stress which tends to lead to more smoking. And without fixing some of those other foibles, quitting this evil and disgusting habit is an unlikely prospect.

Foible #2 is the fact that, for all my enviro-pushing, I still use bottled water. And not even an innocuous, I drink Dasani bottled water...a Coca-Cola product. I also slug back far too much Coca-Cola itself, I must admit. I don't like this habit but it seems to be a lot easier to deal with than the water issue.

Next is the fact that I have let myself get sadly out of shape. I am not so far gone as many individuals, but 3 flights of stairs and I'm out of breath for 5 minutes. As I grew up on a fairly manual farm and played some seasonal sports, I was in pretty good shape, in regards to muscle and cardio. This is no longer the case, and at late 34 it will probably take me a year of hard work and no smoking to get anywhere near where I used to be.

I also have too much of a temper. This is not to say a violent temper, as it takes a great deal to lead me to a violent temper. It is to say that I let myself "get worked up", which makes rational thought difficult or near impossible. I often think I have made significant progress in this area, but then something happens to show there is still a LONG way to go.

The next two will be listed together, as I think they are the core of my flaws, and perhaps of everybody's flaws. They are lack of willpower and lack of focus. Most of the projects I am working on require a significant amount of both of these things, and I can be desperately out of balance with both. These are probably my weakest areas, overall, and I HAVE to address them in order to have any hope with the others.

Obviously this list could be a lot longer, but these are the main personal issues that I feel are huge priorities in my life right now. These are the main things that I complain to myself about, regularly.

Just thought I'd share.

Be well Sisters and Brothers