Wednesday, May 29, 2013

I Could Have Died Today

Now yes, we can everyone of us die any day.  But today I put myself in a situation that could have greased the wheels, or sharpened the scythe, for the old Reaper.  I guess I will stop waxing dramatic and just get on with it.  I think it really does fit the seemingly long lost theme of my search for balance.

**Language Warning**

So I'm driving through a Big Box complex parking lot today, here in Grande Prairie, headed to deposit a check at my bank.  I generally keep a pretty good eye out for idiots when I'm driving anywhere these days, and today this eye out alerted me to a moron in a new blue 'Stang lurching out of his parking spot.  He came within inches of slamming into the side of my truck as even having seen him I could not get stopped in time.  So, with my window partly down, I yelled what a fucking dumb piece of shit he was.  I kept  yelling at him as I backed up.  I don't remember exactly what but there was a lot of "fucking" and most of it referred to his intelligence. 

I seem to have a shorter and shorter fuse for selfish idiot drivers these days.  And its been a reeeeeally frustrating several months so my temper is already on a pretty short fuse these days.  But those frustrating months are a story for another day. 

Now he had backed up as well, so being as I was the one not in a parking stall I went ahead and took my right of way back and continued on my way.  But then as I pulled into the drive thru banking window (I know, I know, lazy bastard for going through the drive thru) I see the blue mustang in my rear view mirror, right up on my ass.  Obviously he has heard my comments, as he was supposed to, and now he's yelling asking if I have a problem.  Instead of just ignoring the dip shit, I figured I would not waste his time having followed me and I shut off my truck and got out to go tell him just exactly how he, and all other ignorant pieces of crap like him, were my problem.

We yelled at each other awhile, and while I feel I yelled much more intelligent shit than he did, it was still a ridiculous situation that involved his telling me to get a hair cut and my mocking his choice of automobile.  It also involved my practically begging him to get out of the car and prove his intelligence by hitting me in front of all the other people in the parking lot.  It culminated in a classic and highly cultured genital display, as I cupped my crotch in his direction in response to some stupid taunt that he  had yelled as he backed his car away.

Many more worldly folks than I, will have now seen what I meant by saying I could have died today.   I didn't take a breath and remember that we live in a day and age where these kinds of confrontations can easily lead to a knifing or even shooting, instead of what should be the worst case scenario of a fist and boot whipping.  Matter of fact I didn't even think of this possibility until hours later.  All I kept thinking was "I hope he gets out of the car and takes a swing".  I have to be honest and admit that at the same time I was also hoping that he would stay right where he was...and that his buddy beside him would too.  But this last hope was very quiet, and obviously would not have done much good if they'd been experienced ruffians, or armed.

I need to take a few lessons from this. 

For one, I really need to get my temper in check.  It has gotten very bad in just the past 6 months and it is not a good thing...for many reasons.  I have been trying to focus on it for the last couple of weeks, but its going to be a long battle I think.  I'm just so frustrated with so many things, not the least of which are our simultaneously devolving environment and society.  But it does no one any good for me to yell at idiots in parking lots.

For another, I need to find some self defense training.  Obviously the best defense is just to avoid such situations, but one cannot always do so.  And its just not a good strategy to rely solely on strength and adrenaline.  Plus, if I choose the right self defense, it should also include some self calming and focusing exercises.

So obviously I'm not doing very well on my quest for balance.  My physical health is significantly better than 10 years ago, but now I am out of whack mentally.  This latter situation is a lot harder to write about as it really feels like constant complaining.

That's all for now folks. 

May we all find peace and comfort.

1 comment:

MoonRaven said...

I'm glad you're still around! Sorry to hear that things have been so frustrating.

Your conclusions seem sound--take care of your mental health along with your physical health make a lot of sense. If you're losing your temper often, it might make a difference to get some downtime, and that self-defense course seems like a pretty good idea for both of the reasons you cite.

You've got some good things to offer the world--so we need you to be around.

Take care of yourself--much peace and comfort to you.